Tuesday, December 2, 2008

I want to see the inside of grandma the clown.....

I only post in three month intrivals.... Ehhh my life is nowhere there is no reason to post on this shit.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

oh great

Nice, Entourage is back on I can't wait for people to pretend it's good again. I can't wait for one of the characters to get mad and use some "original" pairing of curse words screamed in a rant..like

"Ahhh your a Cunt biscuit, my assistant!!! get me things!!!"

Then I got to hear that at bars for the next three months from fucking loser Guido Indians who don't think anybody else gets HBO or has ever seen any other comedy ever, or has ever cursed. That show sucks, it's the opposite of hip, it has no comedy in it and people who like it are fucking losers who are trying to be all those things...so go back to CROW house on Hamilton st. and do coke and wear collared shirts and trick girls into fucking you...but then get your pharmacy degree and be more successful than me...THANKS!!

fucking shitty male version of sex in the city.......

Wednesday, August 20, 2008

Levi commercials

I find the new Levi Commercial offensive, mostly cause it's about homeless people fucking in a random family's apartment. Also there are many shots of buttons being ripped open on male and female crotches, now I'm all about people fucking on TV, but I disagree with the breaking and entering.

This could be longer, but I'm bored of this..SO FUCK OFF, YOU EMPTY VACUUM THEY CALL THEY CALL BLOGGING!!

Monday, August 18, 2008

hate

I need a job or I need to hit rock bottom ...or something...so if i get into hardcore drugs or drink more than i already do, it will get so bad that will become other peoples problem and then they will have to deal with it.....to bad i only smoke weed and heavily binge drink....if i spread that binge drinking throughout the entire week, then I got something going. ...ehhh maybe I'll just buy an XBOX360

why

That Vin Diesel makes me sick, i have never liked anything he has ever done..anyway this is not about him...it's about his new trailer. Babylon A.D. ..it just looks so stupid...like a stupid shitty 5th Element or something, but anyway, why would the editor of the trailer use the the "Requiem for a Dream" music..that music is totally over used at this point and when you hear it all you think about it the good movie it was CREATED for....Think of better music or make some..I could have edited that trailer with everything I have on this computer right now and i could probably use better more obscure music! anyway TOTALLY SEEING BABYLON AD THIS WEEKEND WHO WANTS IN???

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

What are YOU goingto do about how lazy I AM??

so i was riding on a high or a low from the radiohead concert i saw on Friday, it was one of the best concerts if not the greatest concert i have been to, and I know about four radiohead songs, but I was so enthralled by everything they were doing and every song crescendo(ed?) to craziness. I can't described it and that's what made it so good it left me speechless, but whatever you can't describe to people that feeling. I never really liked radiohead I didn't get it at first then about two years ago I started listening to like Radiohead 101...you know shit they don't even like. Then I stopped and then when in rainbows came out I listened to that and really liked it, but never listened to their other stuff...out of sheer laziness...anyway it's hard to describe to somebody how great it was to see them live to someone who has never seen them...cause there is a huge prejudice towards Radiohead in my circle of friends. I think a lot of people think people who listen to them think they are elitist (or in their 30s trying to be hip). Its one of those groups that the fans will say to non-fans "oh you don't get it" and its so easy to write them off as annoying and all sounding the same, but that's not true...so people who like Radiohead need to stop trying to convince other people to like them and let them just see them on their own.

why the fuck did I talk that long about Radiohead? Anyway I was on a high from that concert and the Olympics...and I love the Olympics and I don't know why I hate patriotism and I hate sports...but Olympic sports I like, I don't know why? and it's not like I root for America or anything I just like it...maybe I'm a creepy person who likes to see young amateurs in as little clothing allowed on network television...well all of that will be figured out in my forties.

So ANYWAY...I clicked on one of those HILARIOUS collegehumor videos that someone has posted on facebook...and I think people post those videos because they are working for collegehumor or at least want to...so I click on this video and see a glimpse of this kid who I went to college with...now I always hated this fucker, just cause he was so aloof and "different" like his personality was so not constructed to be the free thinking college guy...I first ran a foul with this kid my first semester in the dorms then i saw him at a meeting for this humor magazine called "Venue" at school. I went into the first meeting didn't say much cause it was such a little clique that it was hard to break say anything with out stepping on the toes of all of these people competing to be the funniest in the room. now this room probably had 25 people in it and from what I could tell probably 5 actually funny people in it, the rest were fucking weirdos who were into anime and other shit like that. They just felt that because they were outsiders they had some right to be funny...Like Jews...All jews think they are funny just because they are jews...You had woody Allen and Mel Brooks..move on.

so these were the types of people who would say poop and people would giggle and every other joke was a your mama or a standard hitler or jesus joke. Just trite stuff that would have caught me off guard in 8th grade.

so I just got a bad feeling from this meeting, and so did my Friend CT who went the year before and the same thing happen to him...and that is why we are friends! So all these people joked about was how funny eating babies is and what if the president of the university were to eat a baby...and I am not kidding, every issue of this magazine has something about the president of the university being a terminator or a baby eater or in thunderdome...so not to gloat:
the first meeting consisted of the already staff writers giving the status of their stories...some of them made me laugh and some didn't..and then they let all the new people write down two question that could be the photo poll at the end of the magazine. so you write them down and then they get read anonymously...again not to gloat, but my two got the biggest laughs, but did not get picked cause they did not function well with a picture and also they felt they would be offensive to some of the people they asked..which in later years of the magazine that did not seem to matter. My questions were something about the length your ejaculate ...or the accuracy...and I can't remember the second one...

So I went back the following weeks and got less and less interested cause I was not taking the intuitive to write the articles I would come up with ideas and then keep putting them off so I could spend time on them so they could be perfect...then I just wouldn't do them...this is a running theme in my life...I got used to it! So I had this idea about apology letters from history...standard things about like hitler and jesus (I was pandering) and then the last on would be like paris hilton's parents apologizing or something like that...I said the idea allowed in a meeting ..it didn't get the response I was expecting so I decided to think of a better idea (two months later that piece appears in the magazine, but somebody else wrote it, not a big idea I stopped showing up to meetings..so I didn't care)

so the point is this "Venue" crowd has always left a bad taste in my mouth, each month they would come out with some hack jokes about taking something way to seriously and analyzing it or talk about Balki from perfect strangers or thundercats or just shitty things like that...so I was glad to not be involved...but that clique of people were just so annoying they thought everything they did was comic gold...and some of it was pretty funny...but it was a huge suck-off-fest at those meetings. and as long as they wrote FUNNY raps about mundane things and shit like that they thought they were the Bees Knees!

So this kid who was there the first meeting and then continued to write for them and then would later be their editor and became sort of a nemesis to me. He didn't know that...he doesn't even know my name...shit i can't even view his facebook profile...but I just always knew because he worked for the venue that he thought he was the funniest fucking person on campus and shit like that...and of course these were my imposed thoughts that I thought he would be having ...and I remember saying to myself one day walking behind him. "I Can't wait for you to die, I know everybody dies, but i can't fucking wait for you too" (about 5 years later my friend Rick said a similar thing and thought it was hilarious, and I didn't want to be like Oh Ive sad that before...(that's just a not interesting side note))

I don't know why i had such a hatred for him, probably cause he walked around with such confidence and actually did stuff for the magazine and probably didn't critique himself so much and thought everything he did was good and worth publishing...but whatever it was I hated him for it.....I am a creepy and disturbed individual, but anyway tonight I saw him on that collegehumor video and then searched his name on the site and realized he is a junior staff writer for collegehumor.com and my fucking stomach almost filled up my scrotum and I thought i was going to shove my mouse down my throat so I would fucking choke and die.

At first I was so fucking jealous...and then I was just depressed cause I constantly realize how little motivation I have and how something like this doesn't even give me motivation to do well...I don't ever want to succeed I just want everybody around me to fail horribly, cause I know because my lack of confidence and sheer laziness I will never accomplish any significant goals!...so if everybody could just fail a little more each day I would be a lot happier....

I had no idea how depressing this was going to look... I'm not really depressed at all...it was just a shock and it was so perfect...that it was him as a writer on college humor...now I don't really care about collegehumor so much...but if it was the Onion...you'd be burying my ass in a piano box tomorrow night!!

don't fucking talk to me about punctuation or spelling...i write out of rage

Thursday, July 17, 2008

PR

Fuck all these project runway designers this year...if I hear Urban or Rock star one more time Ill kill!! just cause those fucking assholes like Christian and that other Rock star asshole with his neck tattoo! I hate anybody who calls them self a rock star who are not rock stars and anybody who actually is a rock star fucking suck cause if they are considered that I hate their music...i hope you die with your fucking ed hardy shirt wrapped around your face

Thursday, July 10, 2008

WHY READ IT HERE

So I was bored and decided to post the last post on collegehumor.com....who knew it was so easy?...apparently everybody...anway read it on there and then tell them you like it and tell them how much you like me and then tell them you should hire me and then tell them that i am like a super nice person who DOES bathe regularly and who IS a good person to have in the work envoirnment and then i can move out of my parents attic...well i guess i like the attic..but tell them that my dad is like super annoying and then mention my dvd collection and be like you shoudl totally be friends with him so he can bring movies over to your house.... ANYWAY READ THE ARTICLE AND SAY YOU LIKE IT AT

http://www.collegehumor.com/article:1758830
So a week ago I realized that I have had the same netflix for two months...usually this does not bother me I had one movie for almost 6 months one time. I'm just too addicted to television that I can't take my fat eyes off of the food network for two hours to watch a movie I KNOW WILL BE GOOD and I KNOW I WILL ENJOY IT, but being disconnected to television doesn't make me happy. I would rather spend three hours flipping through the channels than watching an experimental french film shot backwards with a 10 minute rape scene with CGI cocks. And everybody knows how much I love each of those aspects in a film...anyway I have a weird attachment to television...It might be just me being lazy and I know how I put a lot of investment into watching a film and sometimes I just want to sit through fluff than getting emotionally attached to a film... and also when something is 2 1/2 hours long ...you don't know what you will be doing in 2 1/2 hours...so that is a long commitment....anyway at one point I described my attachment to television as a fear that something might be broadcasted on TV and I am not in the know sitting in my house watching Fellini's early stuff...I never really cared about Emergency broadcasts on the TV but I would tell people that because of 9/11 I have been more paranoid, but you have to say shit like that in public cause there are those losers who feel that 9/11 meant something and pretend like it affected their lives at all...idiots will have more of an understanding of that than just being so fucking lazy.
So today I decided to finally watch that German film Downfall which is about the last days of Hitler and the third Reich in his bunker in Berlin through the eyes of his secretary. and yeah of course I loved it, I'll say shit like the acting was good and shit like that and it was don't get me wrong but Jesus I'll watch anything about Nazis! Except the history channel...which is so ironic cause its on TV and its about Nazis ...that seems like a perfect intersection in my life, but I said I like fluff not boring footage and all the same narration that they put on the history channel...give me something interesting ..some how combine Ice Road Truckers with crazed Nazi doctor Josef Mangele...That's a show I'd watch ...hell I'd by the DVD and read the booklet on the toilet and then when I get an erection while reading it I might even jerk off a little bit on the toilet and then awkwardly bend my penis into the bowl so my shit and cum can mix.....so what was I talking about OH YEAH Netfllix...So the day before that I watched Perfume: The Story of a Murderer and that was really good...again weird, but good.

So it started with me talking myself into watching these movies no matter what, then I looked at the running time for Perfume and it was 2 hours and 26 minutes and I was like FUCK I'm not watching this now ..it's already 2pm and I didn't eat lunch yet and I have NOTHING to do so I can't spend that time watching a movie and actually feeling like I accomplished something! So once I looked at that run time I was like okay I'll watch one of my other movies...A WW II movie done in all German with a runtime of 2:36 or Army of Shadows a 2:25 (or longer I can't remember) French black and white war film...anyway I chose the only one without subtitles...anyway that is my love hate relationship with netflix...like I will get into these grooves (similar to Stella) and think I want to watch all of Robert Altman's film (including 3 hour Short Cuts and the polar opposite Popeye) or just weird foreign films from the sixties and I'll do that all drunk and high at 4 am and then won't look at my queue for months and then when I want to watch something shitty like ...ummm....anything on HBO...I'll get some fucking 4 hr Ingmar Bergman film that I told myself I would watch....but I want Rise of the Silver Surfer or some shit...which Bergman did not direct, but if he did I'm sure it would be boring!! But fuck it I would pretend to understand it!...oh and the reason I let netflix sit around my house for months is cause my mom pays for it.....SUCKA!!!!!!!!!

Wednesday, July 9, 2008

Monday, June 23, 2008

Horrible

So George Carlin died (I guess?...I just read it online, but there is only one source...So I guess it happened tonight (Sunday June 22)!! Well that's horrible and depressing, but in his honor everybody should watch his most recent HBO special...I forget what its called but its him just talking about being an old man and dying and how everything is bullshit...I'm actually glad he died when he did...cause that special is one of the funniest ones he has done in like ten years! So he went out on top! He was the best and we need more people in society like him ...people who don't fucking fall for the bullshit and think on their own...And I hope nobody does a stupid write up about him mentioning heaven or anything cause that is the last thing he would want ...him being mythologized as the greatest guy or anything like that ...it's always sad to loose an atheist...we need as many as we can get ....I'm watching you Richard Dawkins...oh he died of heart failure

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Just throw yellow plastic bracelets at the problem...LANCE!!!!!

So the new season of Intervention started on Monday and they did not hold anything back....I'm talking CRACK - Starting a season with a crack addict is the way to go! Not one of those fucking annoying depressed alcoholics ..Although they do make the best episodes cause they are always trying to do something they can't...like walk or drive a car or take care of their children! But they always have some sob story about how they think people want too much from them so they just broke down and became an alcoholic... Shut the fuck up and raise your stupid fucking kids!

So this episode was interesting because a little known cyclist was involved in this man's downfall. I saw the commercials and they mentioned Lance Armstrong. Chad the subject of this episode had a bad childhood (like everybody on intervention...I tell ya.. if your not raped by a family friend/ youth counselor from your Mormon church...or your forcing your 89 year old grandfather to pay for your third trimester abortion ...or..your not...OK this can go on forever...anyway intervention always tries to tie the addiction to something from their childhood...yea whatever they are the victim...shut up!) so to get this kid back on track they get him into cycling and he does really well and makes it on to the American postal service team ( i was unaware our postal service had a bike team)... so this guy makes it big and he goes to a camp and trains with Lance Armstrong...the first day he goes up to Lance Armstrong and calls him a "dough boy" as a joke. Armstrong did not find it funny and THE NEXT FUCKING DAY HIS CONTRACT WAS TERMINATED AND STARTED USING CRACK!!!!!

http://link.aetv.com/services/link/bcpid1452232410/bclid1612710047/bctid1614612043

I had to rewind it and watch it again ..cause it was so matter afact...Lance Armstrong doesn't take the joke...forcing young man to drugs....AND NOBODY SAID ANYTHING!!!...I want this lance Armstrong to be held responsible for this ...how many lives does this man ruin! Oh let me leave my wife after she helps me through my ball cancer and i get famous and marry Cheryl Crow and then mysteriously she has cancer! Now I am not saying that Lance Armstrong has the power to ruin lives...or even the power to give cancer...but look at the facts Ma'am!... He either gave Cheryl Crow cancer or informed her that having cancer makes you more popular and more successful!...HOW MANY LIVES MUST THIS MAN DESTROY BEFORE WE DEPORT HIM !!!

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

But this was the best show at the ROOOOOOOOOO

Complete - Hoogie-Boogie Land

Blogaroo...I'm so Juno

So I got back from Bonnaroo the music and drug festival, oh sorry the music and art festival. But more on my anger towards crazy drugged out assholes later.

So we left on Wednesday around 5 Pm and after of 15 hours of failing to fall asleep, failing to convince myself the trip is not that long and failing to not let my crankiness take over. Finally we come to the glowing beacon that is the walmart of beautiful Coffee County Tennessee. We wait in the line for about an hour waiting to get into the camping hour. In that time we ran into a deputy sheriff who at one point lived in belmar NJ and for some reason he brought up that he went to USC with George Lucas and appeared in his first student film "The Photographer" as the role of THE PHOTOGRAPHER...so after going to college with George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg..he is now a deputy Sheriff in Manchester Tennessee! Kyle and I look at each other and immediately want to go get our Master's degrees or wedge our heads under the front tires. Anyway we get in and after a half hour of Kristen claiming how horrible our spot is and how far back we are and how this year already sucks...we realize we are in a great spot close to the trees in the back. Which is great so people aren't always passing through our campsite...except HILARIOUS drug dealers!
Anyway we set up our campsite which was great because we had three cars which yielded a huge campsite. We made quick friends with our neighbors which was great, because last year we were creepy recluses who didn't talk to anybody. We walked around to see the high spirits of the people before they get trampled by the drugs and fatigue of the weekend to come. We go see out first show at 7:15 on Thursday .. a really energetic band call "Grand Ole Party" who were really fun to watch, especially cause the female lead singer is also the drummer and she was crazy intense ...i think they describer her as Karen O, but more fun to watch and more talented. After that show we go see MGMT...one of the bands I was more excited to see, I started listening to their debut album like 5 months ago so all the songs were pretty close to my heart...in that not fag and in that fag way at the same time. I have seen these guys before when the opening for Of Montreal past October...Joey and I were at first not impressed but then we kept listening and really liked them, but we did not know any of the songs and when you see a band like that without knowing any of their songs it is just a wall of obnoxious sound coming at your stupid face. ANYWAY, their show was awesome even though the majority of the audience (from where I was standing) started off being like "what is this shit?" until they played Electric feel and then everybody really got into it and started dancing!
After that we moved over to see Grupo Fantasma an 11 piece Latin funk band which was incredible and everybody was really into it especially this insane relic from the days of The Grateful Dead was dancing like a complete maniac...I have never seen an old fat gray-haired man dance like this. I'm talking kicks in the air, crazy James Brown twists, jumps and then landing on one knee. This goes on for about four minutes until the end of the song at which that point the man pulls a bottle of Bud from holster cracks it open and drink the beer slings it back int he holster and starts dancing to the next song. After that we saw Battles which made noises for an hour, so we left early and went to see crazy heavy stoner rockers "the Sword." They were very impressive, and kyle really liked them ...as we watched them Kristen and I counted how many people who were over 40 walked passed out line of sight...and it was a lot ! It seemed like there were a lot more older people there this year. And I am totally cool with that, cause I would much rather have that than fucking high schoolers who are so happy that their mom isn't yelling at them so they get wasted at 5pm and throw up on you during Jack Johnsons opening song. After we counted the geriatrics we saw this girl throw up and then walk away ..after that Tens of people either walked in the vomit or sat in it...That lasted until the lesbian cover band known as LEZ ZEPPELIN. And they were exactly that a really good cover band! I either saw them do or heard them do the immigrant song, the ocean, communication breakdown, black dog...and some others....anyway since being up from Wednesday morning I decided it was time to go to sleep.

Waking up obnoxiously early on Friday I was ready to hit the festival...but since it was 8 am and The Fiery Furnaces started at 1:15 I had some time to kill. Kristen, Kyle and I went in to see the fiery furnaces which did an incredible show.

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=the+fiery+furnaces+bonnaroo&search_type=&aq=f

Watch all of those videos!!!

After the Furnaces I listened to Minus the Bear while I ate a delicious Gyro and spoke to a couple from Illinois ...they were nice, but boring!

After making Club-Med Jokes at yet another fucking Marley relative who thinks he is entitled to a music career because he has that easy imitatable voice for a half-hour we left Stephen Marley. I went on to go see the fiery furnaces again at a much more intimate stage called the solar stage, they were hilarious...they came out did single again, tropical Iceland, fat feet, straight street, and some others..mostly requests and then after that they were signing autographs ..which I usually am never about, cause I think its so corny, but I saw that the line was so short and I had nothing else to do but try to appreciate a les claypool set..so I waited in line hoping they would sign my festival guide until the nice gentleman in front of me pointed to a CD for sale at the makeshift record store ...He asked me "is that a fiery furnaces album?" then we talked about it and it was so I got out of line to check it out and it was this awesome double disc live album..this lead me to buying three copies of the Cd for people in line while they held my spot....So I got the album and I got them to sign it and it was awesome!..they were really nice and happy to see fans, which i appreciated
We then went on to see The Raconteurs or if your are reading this from Australia...The Saboteurs..which after putting out their new album I was really excited to see them..cause the album is good, not great, but good to listen to a few times..especially Carolina drama...but then you see this band live and you get it. They are so much better live than their albums could ever be...and I think that is what they are going for. They fucking jam out on all of their songs making them 75% better.
http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=The+Raconteurs+bonnaroo

Just pick a few to watch.

After that we went to see M.I.A who we were afraid would cancel after cancelling her European tour and after hearing her perform literally 6 songs We had hoped she cancelled so at least I could have seen Willie Nelson or somebody...the sound was off or she was drunk or both, but anyway it was disappointing...so we left early to catch the Chris Rock performance. Which was awesome...he did a lot of political jokes...you could tell he was mad that Hillary was out of the race because he had so many jokes and he just had to reword them so they were still timely...anyway after those jokes he did a lot of black jokes...And there is nothing more liberating than 80,000 white people laughing at Nigger jokes in the middle of Tennessee. He did this whole joke which I have heard before about the only time you can say nigger, the first one was this elaborate joke that involved Christmas eve...but his second one was when saying the term "Fuck me harder Nigger"...I felt like the only one laughing ...cause every ones is so fucking uptight...After that we went back cause I could not stand to be around any Metallica fans for that long...so I went back to the campsite and proceeded to get too drunk before SuperJam which we had high expectations for...hoping that Jack White would be there...but alas we got our hopes up and I alone got my blood alcohol level up ...that was not a good idea...I got way to drunk because i was still exhausted and had nothing in my stomach except wine and Sailor Jerry's. i was apparently making my way through the crowd the king kong swinging on vines and bouncing off of trees. Next thing I remember I wake up next to a tent that is not mine sans my shoes and car keys. So I go back to the campsite and try to piece together my life! Kyle and I go on a search for the car keys in centeroo after snapping off the antenna and try to open the car alla the mexicans in New Brunswick, but Mexicans we are not. After a while we just decide to call a lock out service, we call and then I must meet up with the people at our area headquarters and before I can say to the guy behind the counter I lost my keys...he picks up my keys from the table and hands them to me and I run back to the campsite before the lock out guy shows up expecting to get $50 for his service...After that we decide to take a break from waiting for bands in the rain and decide to go see Louis C.k. one of my favorite comedians ..I am not going into what he said cause I just respect him too much.

Next on our agenda is Pearl Jam, but before them we must sit through Jack Johnson. Oh the best part was when we were back at the campsite this crazy fat tie dyed long haired creep comes up to the campsite and say "Party supplies? Molly? Mushrooms? " we shake our heads wanting neither (at the moment) he says "oh ok....Don't rat me out"

What a Crazy Narc...who the fuck is going to rat this guy out...oh excuse me mounted policeman there was a tie dyed hippie trying to sell us drugs...OH wait he was fat and had long hair...if that helps!

So we sit through Jack Johnson ...who I never listen to and enjoyed it because it is fucking easy listening...it was like standing in a really hot dentist office...like how many songs can you sing about hanging out with your wife on a Tuesday but pretending its a Saturday so you make banana pancakes...or like putting your feet in the sand or just like floating in the ocean ...or eating a lite dinner and sitting on wicker chairs...like who the fuck cares about this music except depressed secretaries...I just don't get how college kids get tricked into liking these bands ....Jack Johnson and Dave Matthews are PERFECT musicians for older white people...its Rock, but with fiddles and other soothing sounds or whatever...its not quite soft rock and not quite pure shit....like why do college kids want to listen to songs about people loving their wives or whatever they sing about.

Well after Pearl jam which was INSANE...and it only helped that Kyle, Kristen, Rick, Dominic were very close...but kyle and I were the only people to stay through the end...This show was supposed to be 2 hours, but lasted over 3 hours....they did two encores including "All along the watchtower" which was awesome!..i loved it....probably the best show I saw that weekend

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=pearl+jam+bonnaroo&search_type=&aq=f

i thought there were better videos....but some of these are good.

So the worst part of the weekend was about to happen..so we go back after the Pearl Jam concert at like 1:30. we drink a little and shit then we go back in to the venue to witness the awesome late night light show brought to us by Kanye West...and by awesome I mean shitty and by light show i mean shitty and by late night I mean shitty...well actually I mean watching a show while the sun rises....so he was supposed to go on at 8:15, but that was changed like the week before the festival to later that night at 2:45..which is the first time there has been a late night show on the mainstages..and of course Kanye west wanted it that way...so after rearranging the schedule so he could be the first to do something and also so he could be the only performer at the time... the mother fucker fulfills every black stereotype and shows up 2 hours later....huge difference between starting your show at 2:45...an awesome time and starting your show at 4:30am... when the fucking birds are chirping and shit...And then he gets on stage and does not even acknowledged the fucked up shit that the audience had to deal with...and he can't do that because his show is totally programmed..so he's like talking to his "space ship" or something...truly gimmicky and corny...And I'm a Flaming Lips fan!! Any way ..while I am waiting for this "awesome" light show to start I miss a crazy show by Ghostland observatory ...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3ODq7Vt0ss

But we were so exhausted that our brains did not even function enough to be like lets just walk over there and see that and this motherfucker Kanye will probably be three songs deep...but we had faith that this asshole would start any minute and that he might have something to back the hype.....but No dice on both assumptions...his show was just two big movie screens....Oh great Yelling and videos...couldn't see this anywhere else...So disappointing and the worst part is I missed an awesome band I wanted to see...well at least i saw some of their light show from where i was and i heard some of the music... and then I went back to fall asleep just as the sun rose!

Last Day of Bonnaroo

started off with MORE FUCKING DISRUPTION DUE TO KANYE WEST!!!!

This band of Polio survivors who play reggae was cancelled because they couldn't get the What stage set up and cleaned in enough time cause of Kanye (I assume)... so we missed Israel Vibrations and Orchestra Baobob, but I did get to see Ladytron which was very entertaining, Yonder Mountain String Band , Solomon Burke, who put on the most entertaining show ever...He is this 70 something 600 pound soul rock singer with an awesome band and 21 children and 81 grandchildren or something ...and he brought girls up on stage to dance and he had his back up singers slowly take his clothes off so he doesn't pass out and collapse like he did last year...so that added a nice level of thrill to the performance...knowing that this fucker could die any minute...but if he did...he would have been happy cause that show was so much fun...all he did was awesome requests!

http://www.youtube.com/results?search_query=solomon+burke+bonnaroo&search_type=&aq=f

after that I saw Robert Plant and Allison Krauss, and Death Cab for Cutie...both were good, but only one of them did an Awesome Led Zeppelin cover of Battle for evermore...anyway i can't believe I typed this much....Well thanks for reading my unfunny, poorly written and punctuated dull recap of my weekend...Well i guess it was better than seeing the Hulk or the happening...anyway ...I will do more postings on just funny shit i remember from this weekend!!

Bonnaroo

Just got back from Bonnaroo...do not even know where to start...so i won't

Sunday, June 8, 2008

Goo Punch

nickelodeon trying to appeal to black kids...if Kenan and Kel were not enough!...I don't think they ever realized how disgusting the phrase "goo punch" is.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Burn After Reading

My friend just sent me this link....I did not think this movie had a trailer out so soon...well anyway...how can this movie be bad...Coen brother, George Clooney, John Malkovich, brad pitt, Francis McDermont (sp?) and others...any way watch this and love it!http://www.worstpreviews.com/trailer.php?id=1046&item=0
Thanks a lot while i was uploading that video the colbert report ended and it went to mind of mencia...Thanks a lot!..oh god the worst is when my Tivo recommends fucking mind of mencia! its the worst...I want my Tivo to like me..why does it think i like this shit....i already feel bad that I don't Tivo Seinfeld because I watch all the episodes when they air. I hope my Tivo doesn't think I don't love Seinfeld..speaking of seinfeld...anybody who reads this should go download....Wale- The mixtape about nothing ..its awesome and hilarious!...http://elitaste.com/blog/2008/05/30/ladies-and-gentlementhe-mixtape-about-nothing/

also, like does carlos mencia actually think he's funny? anybody who watches that is either a racist idiot who thinks its okay to laugh at racism...you may be doing ironically, but that's not why you are popular...cause anybody who understands irony is too smart for your comedy!...like since you were used to replace chapelle take some advice from him. Like he had a conscious and ended his show when he knew he was being used! Its not even worth the effort to criticize you..everybody knows your a fucking joke..an unfunny joke that a retard came up with when he was five...yes HE...all retards are males...girls aren't smart enough to be retarded!

The Resume Rock

I love these guys, I watched this a lot a couple months ago and then I rediscovered it. These guys are hilarious, but i recently heard they broke up but it doesn't look like that on their myspace...anyway Rowan and Hastings Check them out on myface...i mean spaceface...

Friday, May 30, 2008

The Shit Happening

Why won't M. Night Shyamalan stop!? I liked Sixth Sense, I loved Unbreakable (which is the preferred stance on anybody who claims they like film..thats what you have to say about M. Night Shyamalan), I liked parts of Signs and I could say the same things about the village...like the idea was cool. I would like to live in the woods pretending it was a different century ..yea cool idea I get it...have you ever heard of a short film? be revolutionary make a collection of short films put them together and save us from these shitty summer releases that come out every other year...or also HIRE A FUCKING DIFFERENT WRITER....oh and I do not know what to think of The Lady in the Water...is it complete shit or is it a literal practical joke that went on way to long...did you show up everyday on set thinking like oh my god they are STILL letting me do this...Oh okay...Well you see there will be a film reviewer that nobody like....NEXT day o okay so a giant Eagle will come out of the sky and take her away..THE END!!!!....like i get it you have ideas that don't really pan out so you fill the movie with somewhat artistic shots like reflections from the TV and static close ups..cool I dig it..SOMETIMES, but give it a rest.

And now you have this new one where something is happening and people don't know what it is and its causing people to kill themselves and act unlike humans...and its kind of like the birds and invasion of the body snatchers where we won't really know why these things are happening....and then the movie ends....I'm all about post modern techniques WHEN THEY WERE POST MODERN....motherfucker we have things like lost now that have and hopefully will explain the random shit that is going on...so all I am saying is this movie better deliver! and i am giving you some credit on this one...A. It's rated R. Which is so awkward cause when you see the trailer on TV you see this gigantic red R because it is the first of your movies to be rated as such, like what do the companies think that people are going to be like "Kids it's June of an even numbered year grab your things and lets go see the new M. Night before the commercial ends and before I have to see anything else...and in actuality that's what people should do to your movies...walk out before the end...cause the first 45 minutes are good...then..not so much....
Which brings me to B. I am also giving you some credit for this movie cause that guy who lays down in front of that huge lawn mower in the commercial looks really cool and i better see his fucking body get mangled in a static close up. ....I told myself I would never write a blog about M. Night Shyamalan cause it is so trite to be mad at you....but its a Thursday night and I'm not drunk so fuck you...twists only work when you don't expect them!!!It's like people are going to the theatres to watch old episodes of Scooby doo...once you hear the old western town amusement park is next to a guys ranch who owns the deed....YOU WALK OUT OF THAT MOVIE!...do a fucking documentary or a comedy or something!..

Thursday, May 29, 2008

My adopted children will never know what to do with MY BODY!!!!

So I thought as a funny thing I would post old Xanga postings from when I was in high school...they are over six years old. Anyway Xangas were hilarious, I remember reading about meaningless things about peoples day in classes and when they passed notes to people and shit. the best part was that they would want to talk about what was going on in their gossip filled personal lives but couldn't really say anything cause they didn't want to give anything away, and the weirdest part was everybody who was reading it were these peoples classmates. They spent all day together in math and science and gym and gossipped then went home and gossipped online but left out all the important information (and sometimes they would say stuff but just leave out people's names ..like your friends reading your blog didn't know you were talking about them...(YOU HAD 15 FRIENDS!!!) It was so quaterlife. How could you not step out of yourself and see what you were doing? Did you really think that people from across the word were reading this and loving every minute of it(cause clearly thats what people are doing with this). Anyway I remember playing a game with a certain person that will not be named cause they might be reading ....Tee-heee see you in Mr. Griffin's class tomorrow..Algebra II is so for losers! So we would try to do things to this specific girl ...like really bizarre stuff, sometimes mean, sometimes funny...it would vary. Like we would just go up to her after school at play practice and pretend to trip and knock her books down, or confide in her about really personal issues that we would make up or just act really weird in front of her..anyway then we would go home and see if we made it into her stupid fucking xanga posts..anyway it was fun...it was like playing God...like when you bathe your dog and hold their head under the water until their brain looses consciousness and then you jerk off as you feel them stop struggling....well not really like that!...but kind of...well the latter is more like Christmas morning, well anyway .......

So I went to find my old xanga which I haven't looked at since freshman year of college(2003). And they are nowhere to be found ...now I don't know if their is some way to go find them, but they are just not there....What if i had some important information that I wanted to leave to my children...like it would be very Da Vinci Code...They would turn over my bloated body and carved into my skin would be www.xanga.com/Captian_Lunch And then this would lead to a byzantine journey to find different artifacts that have poignancy in my life....half eaten double quarter pounders, lost remote controls, shit stained underwear that I would hide under my bed, and all of my baby teeth wrapped in old report cards leading to the all important pile of books I bought but never read ....NOW BLOGGER DO THE RIGHT THING AND LET THIS LIVE IN FOREVER ..so the children I never wanted know what to do with the body I never wanted.

Bobby Flay's marriage is a SHAM!!


Seriously, it's true have you seen the shows with him and his wife...I forget her name but she was on Law and Order and died...not like the countless people who are found in a pile of garbage after some shitty dialogue by two wannabe New York stage actors. She was an actual character, but I wish I had some sort of search device that would give me her name only using the tips of my fingers....ehhh...not that important...all in all Bobby flay is clearly gay and that is based on no evidence...and that's how I likes it. Just kidding bobby flay I love you and just wish you were gay so I could make my BBQ fantasies a reality....But that fucking Michael Chiarello is clearly a creepy old gay guy!...why the fuck am I talking about this I meant to talk about that concert I went to on Saturday...
I saw the Flaming Lips (or as some assholes call them the Flips) at Jam on the River in Philadelphia at Festival Pier. I have seen them only two times before and I must say this was my favorite show even though it didn't have the space ship landing and all, but it had everything I wanted. He came out in the bubble...there were dancing Iron man (which is so funny cause people think the band is this crazy out of touch weirdos who wouldn't even know what movies are out and then they do funny references to pop culture(or maybe they just have somebody else buy the costumes..i don't know)) They had a really good set list....

Stravinsky
TA! DA!
Race For The Prize
Free Radicals
Song Remains
Fight Test
Mountain Side
Vein of Stars
Yoshimi
Pompeii
Yeah Yeah Yeah Song
Taps
The W.A.N.D.
Jelly

Realize??

I loved that they did Vein of Stars..it is one of my favorite songs by them And I was Super Excited that they did “Pompeii am Gotterdammerung” which i one I do not think I have seen them do live before, but it was one of their best songs of the might and of course they did standards (from Yoshimi and At War With the Mystics) Yeah yeah yeah, Yoshimi they did a slow sing along which I've seen them do before, the W.A.N.D. was awesome and Fight Test had this hilarious video attached to it which look like a weird video from an early 90's Troma movie of a big black guy beating up a baby and then the baby kicking his ass...It's such a great thing to be singing along with a song you love and then just laughing hysterically...The high lite of the show was when they covered Song remains the same...he did a speech about how when he thought about this song when he was younger he imagined people just stripping off their clothes and running through the audience....and when he said this I got this flash of sweat thinking that like everybody was going to get naked and I would be the only one refusing to do it and people would be looking at me and it would be really awkward...yeah well of course that didn't happen, but 5 or 6 girls were onstage dancing around naked...it was pretty funny cause the other members of the band tried to like look away not to get themselves in trouble or something ...I liked it.

Oh but then I went to check the set list on the flaming lips message boards and I saw these assholes with nothing better to do but be like "I was a little uncomfortable with the decision to have those four young women dancing naked on stage during Song Remains the Same. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE nudity and the female body is exquisite and beautiful, but to put them up their with no naked men to balance it out struck me as somewhat sexist. The sad truth is that the historical objectification of women is still being played out today and The Flaming Lips, whether they know it or not, perpetuated it last night. I only hope that if the band continues to play this song this summer, Wayne will be a man and get naked too."

Like OKAY college guy or girl...Whatever...like i understand it and i understand people take advantage of girls because you don't have to say much for them to take off their tops because society makes them think that all they have to do to have fun and get attention is to take off their tops and a lot of outlets take advantage of it....but fucking keep it for your thesis...not the message boards! And he never said just girls...it's just guys are fucking assholes and they would say that it would be gay or whatever....no everybody is just scared that somebody will make fun of their dick size!...but i don't know it kind of seemed planned that these girls were going to come out..or maybe they were just lead out after volunteering...who knows?

I forget what song it was but they had this video that just showed the point of impact for crash test dummies synced to the beat ...It was really funny and if i was on any hard drug i think it would have freaked me out ...and speaking of hard drugs...

I saw a lot of crazy fucked up people at the concert..and I "get it" its cool to get fucked up at a festival,I've done it before, but something like bonnaroo or even lollapalooza, but this was a fucking parking lot in Philadelphia...I don't need to be on Acid to sit on concrete, pay $7 for beer and wait all day for one good band. Maybe I would have enjoyed the Disco biscuits if I was fucked up...I guess that's what that band relies on...anyway these fucking people just use every excuse to get away from their parents and take acid at 1 in the afternoon and stumble around a shitty tent and decent food vendors...pick your battles a little better next time you creepy Ravi shankar looking loser (that was a specific instance)Like i don't want to be that guy, but are you even there for the music? Like i fucking hate when I go to a concert and all it is is 18 year olds sneaking in vodka in water bottles, falling over and trying to carry their friends. Don't you have a mall you can do this at? And don't be like "oh Christian come on they're kids, what would you do...motherfuckers i went to a patty LuPone concert when I was freshman in High School ..so fuck you I was Always their for the music!..LOL I don't know what that has to do with anything but I was so fucking HIGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH at that concert..oh did I say high i mean GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYY....anyway I don't think I have anything else to say...and I have to go yell at the local news....

2:30 on a Wednesday night

Always wanted to blog even though i hated it ever since i saw the two words form on a cold winters night, but since I was searching for another blog post and couldn't find it i thought I would start my own. I had no idea it was this easy mostly because I never cared to know ...now I know why every fucking goon has one...So I start this now with no more intentions but to give me something to do when I'm bored...and hey if that cunt who wrote Juno got her start from blogging then i can surely win some undeserved award for throwing together already out of date catch phrases and every cool band reference I could imagine into one shitty screenplay. I just love how she tried to be so indie and everything and the people who love her movie are fat suburban moms who think they are hip and whore teenage girls who think they aren't whores just misunderstood....OH WAIT BUT THE VELVET UNDERGROUND is on the soundtrack. You are fucking indie and cool.....Has society and I become so cynical that I'm upset about the velvet underground...i guess it has!