Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Blogaroo...I'm so Juno

So I got back from Bonnaroo the music and drug festival, oh sorry the music and art festival. But more on my anger towards crazy drugged out assholes later.

So we left on Wednesday around 5 Pm and after of 15 hours of failing to fall asleep, failing to convince myself the trip is not that long and failing to not let my crankiness take over. Finally we come to the glowing beacon that is the walmart of beautiful Coffee County Tennessee. We wait in the line for about an hour waiting to get into the camping hour. In that time we ran into a deputy sheriff who at one point lived in belmar NJ and for some reason he brought up that he went to USC with George Lucas and appeared in his first student film "The Photographer" as the role of THE PHOTOGRAPHER...so after going to college with George Lucas and Stephen Spielberg..he is now a deputy Sheriff in Manchester Tennessee! Kyle and I look at each other and immediately want to go get our Master's degrees or wedge our heads under the front tires. Anyway we get in and after a half hour of Kristen claiming how horrible our spot is and how far back we are and how this year already sucks...we realize we are in a great spot close to the trees in the back. Which is great so people aren't always passing through our campsite...except HILARIOUS drug dealers!
Anyway we set up our campsite which was great because we had three cars which yielded a huge campsite. We made quick friends with our neighbors which was great, because last year we were creepy recluses who didn't talk to anybody. We walked around to see the high spirits of the people before they get trampled by the drugs and fatigue of the weekend to come. We go see out first show at 7:15 on Thursday .. a really energetic band call "Grand Ole Party" who were really fun to watch, especially cause the female lead singer is also the drummer and she was crazy intense ...i think they describer her as Karen O, but more fun to watch and more talented. After that show we go see MGMT...one of the bands I was more excited to see, I started listening to their debut album like 5 months ago so all the songs were pretty close to my heart...in that not fag and in that fag way at the same time. I have seen these guys before when the opening for Of Montreal past October...Joey and I were at first not impressed but then we kept listening and really liked them, but we did not know any of the songs and when you see a band like that without knowing any of their songs it is just a wall of obnoxious sound coming at your stupid face. ANYWAY, their show was awesome even though the majority of the audience (from where I was standing) started off being like "what is this shit?" until they played Electric feel and then everybody really got into it and started dancing!
After that we moved over to see Grupo Fantasma an 11 piece Latin funk band which was incredible and everybody was really into it especially this insane relic from the days of The Grateful Dead was dancing like a complete maniac...I have never seen an old fat gray-haired man dance like this. I'm talking kicks in the air, crazy James Brown twists, jumps and then landing on one knee. This goes on for about four minutes until the end of the song at which that point the man pulls a bottle of Bud from holster cracks it open and drink the beer slings it back int he holster and starts dancing to the next song. After that we saw Battles which made noises for an hour, so we left early and went to see crazy heavy stoner rockers "the Sword." They were very impressive, and kyle really liked them ...as we watched them Kristen and I counted how many people who were over 40 walked passed out line of sight...and it was a lot ! It seemed like there were a lot more older people there this year. And I am totally cool with that, cause I would much rather have that than fucking high schoolers who are so happy that their mom isn't yelling at them so they get wasted at 5pm and throw up on you during Jack Johnsons opening song. After we counted the geriatrics we saw this girl throw up and then walk away ..after that Tens of people either walked in the vomit or sat in it...That lasted until the lesbian cover band known as LEZ ZEPPELIN. And they were exactly that a really good cover band! I either saw them do or heard them do the immigrant song, the ocean, communication breakdown, black dog...and some others....anyway since being up from Wednesday morning I decided it was time to go to sleep.

Waking up obnoxiously early on Friday I was ready to hit the festival...but since it was 8 am and The Fiery Furnaces started at 1:15 I had some time to kill. Kristen, Kyle and I went in to see the fiery furnaces which did an incredible show.


Watch all of those videos!!!

After the Furnaces I listened to Minus the Bear while I ate a delicious Gyro and spoke to a couple from Illinois ...they were nice, but boring!

After making Club-Med Jokes at yet another fucking Marley relative who thinks he is entitled to a music career because he has that easy imitatable voice for a half-hour we left Stephen Marley. I went on to go see the fiery furnaces again at a much more intimate stage called the solar stage, they were hilarious...they came out did single again, tropical Iceland, fat feet, straight street, and some others..mostly requests and then after that they were signing autographs ..which I usually am never about, cause I think its so corny, but I saw that the line was so short and I had nothing else to do but try to appreciate a les claypool set..so I waited in line hoping they would sign my festival guide until the nice gentleman in front of me pointed to a CD for sale at the makeshift record store ...He asked me "is that a fiery furnaces album?" then we talked about it and it was so I got out of line to check it out and it was this awesome double disc live album..this lead me to buying three copies of the Cd for people in line while they held my spot....So I got the album and I got them to sign it and it was awesome!..they were really nice and happy to see fans, which i appreciated
We then went on to see The Raconteurs or if your are reading this from Australia...The Saboteurs..which after putting out their new album I was really excited to see them..cause the album is good, not great, but good to listen to a few times..especially Carolina drama...but then you see this band live and you get it. They are so much better live than their albums could ever be...and I think that is what they are going for. They fucking jam out on all of their songs making them 75% better.

Just pick a few to watch.

After that we went to see M.I.A who we were afraid would cancel after cancelling her European tour and after hearing her perform literally 6 songs We had hoped she cancelled so at least I could have seen Willie Nelson or somebody...the sound was off or she was drunk or both, but anyway it was disappointing...so we left early to catch the Chris Rock performance. Which was awesome...he did a lot of political jokes...you could tell he was mad that Hillary was out of the race because he had so many jokes and he just had to reword them so they were still timely...anyway after those jokes he did a lot of black jokes...And there is nothing more liberating than 80,000 white people laughing at Nigger jokes in the middle of Tennessee. He did this whole joke which I have heard before about the only time you can say nigger, the first one was this elaborate joke that involved Christmas eve...but his second one was when saying the term "Fuck me harder Nigger"...I felt like the only one laughing ...cause every ones is so fucking uptight...After that we went back cause I could not stand to be around any Metallica fans for that long...so I went back to the campsite and proceeded to get too drunk before SuperJam which we had high expectations for...hoping that Jack White would be there...but alas we got our hopes up and I alone got my blood alcohol level up ...that was not a good idea...I got way to drunk because i was still exhausted and had nothing in my stomach except wine and Sailor Jerry's. i was apparently making my way through the crowd the king kong swinging on vines and bouncing off of trees. Next thing I remember I wake up next to a tent that is not mine sans my shoes and car keys. So I go back to the campsite and try to piece together my life! Kyle and I go on a search for the car keys in centeroo after snapping off the antenna and try to open the car alla the mexicans in New Brunswick, but Mexicans we are not. After a while we just decide to call a lock out service, we call and then I must meet up with the people at our area headquarters and before I can say to the guy behind the counter I lost my keys...he picks up my keys from the table and hands them to me and I run back to the campsite before the lock out guy shows up expecting to get $50 for his service...After that we decide to take a break from waiting for bands in the rain and decide to go see Louis C.k. one of my favorite comedians ..I am not going into what he said cause I just respect him too much.

Next on our agenda is Pearl Jam, but before them we must sit through Jack Johnson. Oh the best part was when we were back at the campsite this crazy fat tie dyed long haired creep comes up to the campsite and say "Party supplies? Molly? Mushrooms? " we shake our heads wanting neither (at the moment) he says "oh ok....Don't rat me out"

What a Crazy Narc...who the fuck is going to rat this guy out...oh excuse me mounted policeman there was a tie dyed hippie trying to sell us drugs...OH wait he was fat and had long hair...if that helps!

So we sit through Jack Johnson ...who I never listen to and enjoyed it because it is fucking easy listening...it was like standing in a really hot dentist office...like how many songs can you sing about hanging out with your wife on a Tuesday but pretending its a Saturday so you make banana pancakes...or like putting your feet in the sand or just like floating in the ocean ...or eating a lite dinner and sitting on wicker chairs...like who the fuck cares about this music except depressed secretaries...I just don't get how college kids get tricked into liking these bands ....Jack Johnson and Dave Matthews are PERFECT musicians for older white people...its Rock, but with fiddles and other soothing sounds or whatever...its not quite soft rock and not quite pure shit....like why do college kids want to listen to songs about people loving their wives or whatever they sing about.

Well after Pearl jam which was INSANE...and it only helped that Kyle, Kristen, Rick, Dominic were very close...but kyle and I were the only people to stay through the end...This show was supposed to be 2 hours, but lasted over 3 hours....they did two encores including "All along the watchtower" which was awesome!..i loved it....probably the best show I saw that weekend


i thought there were better videos....but some of these are good.

So the worst part of the weekend was about to happen..so we go back after the Pearl Jam concert at like 1:30. we drink a little and shit then we go back in to the venue to witness the awesome late night light show brought to us by Kanye West...and by awesome I mean shitty and by light show i mean shitty and by late night I mean shitty...well actually I mean watching a show while the sun rises....so he was supposed to go on at 8:15, but that was changed like the week before the festival to later that night at 2:45..which is the first time there has been a late night show on the mainstages..and of course Kanye west wanted it that way...so after rearranging the schedule so he could be the first to do something and also so he could be the only performer at the time... the mother fucker fulfills every black stereotype and shows up 2 hours later....huge difference between starting your show at 2:45...an awesome time and starting your show at 4:30am... when the fucking birds are chirping and shit...And then he gets on stage and does not even acknowledged the fucked up shit that the audience had to deal with...and he can't do that because his show is totally programmed..so he's like talking to his "space ship" or something...truly gimmicky and corny...And I'm a Flaming Lips fan!! Any way ..while I am waiting for this "awesome" light show to start I miss a crazy show by Ghostland observatory ...


But we were so exhausted that our brains did not even function enough to be like lets just walk over there and see that and this motherfucker Kanye will probably be three songs deep...but we had faith that this asshole would start any minute and that he might have something to back the hype.....but No dice on both assumptions...his show was just two big movie screens....Oh great Yelling and videos...couldn't see this anywhere else...So disappointing and the worst part is I missed an awesome band I wanted to see...well at least i saw some of their light show from where i was and i heard some of the music... and then I went back to fall asleep just as the sun rose!

Last Day of Bonnaroo


This band of Polio survivors who play reggae was cancelled because they couldn't get the What stage set up and cleaned in enough time cause of Kanye (I assume)... so we missed Israel Vibrations and Orchestra Baobob, but I did get to see Ladytron which was very entertaining, Yonder Mountain String Band , Solomon Burke, who put on the most entertaining show ever...He is this 70 something 600 pound soul rock singer with an awesome band and 21 children and 81 grandchildren or something ...and he brought girls up on stage to dance and he had his back up singers slowly take his clothes off so he doesn't pass out and collapse like he did last year...so that added a nice level of thrill to the performance...knowing that this fucker could die any minute...but if he did...he would have been happy cause that show was so much fun...all he did was awesome requests!


after that I saw Robert Plant and Allison Krauss, and Death Cab for Cutie...both were good, but only one of them did an Awesome Led Zeppelin cover of Battle for evermore...anyway i can't believe I typed this much....Well thanks for reading my unfunny, poorly written and punctuated dull recap of my weekend...Well i guess it was better than seeing the Hulk or the happening...anyway ...I will do more postings on just funny shit i remember from this weekend!!

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