so i was riding on a high or a low from the radiohead concert i saw on Friday, it was one of the best concerts if not the greatest concert i have been to, and I know about four radiohead songs, but I was so enthralled by everything they were doing and every song crescendo(ed?) to craziness. I can't described it and that's what made it so good it left me speechless, but whatever you can't describe to people that feeling. I never really liked radiohead I didn't get it at first then about two years ago I started listening to like Radiohead 101...you know shit they don't even like. Then I stopped and then when in rainbows came out I listened to that and really liked it, but never listened to their other stuff...out of sheer laziness...anyway it's hard to describe to somebody how great it was to see them live to someone who has never seen them...cause there is a huge prejudice towards Radiohead in my circle of friends. I think a lot of people think people who listen to them think they are elitist (or in their 30s trying to be hip). Its one of those groups that the fans will say to non-fans "oh you don't get it" and its so easy to write them off as annoying and all sounding the same, but that's not true...so people who like Radiohead need to stop trying to convince other people to like them and let them just see them on their own.
why the fuck did I talk that long about Radiohead? Anyway I was on a high from that concert and the Olympics...and I love the Olympics and I don't know why I hate patriotism and I hate sports...but Olympic sports I like, I don't know why? and it's not like I root for America or anything I just like it...maybe I'm a creepy person who likes to see young amateurs in as little clothing allowed on network television...well all of that will be figured out in my forties.
So ANYWAY...I clicked on one of those HILARIOUS collegehumor videos that someone has posted on facebook...and I think people post those videos because they are working for collegehumor or at least want to...so I click on this video and see a glimpse of this kid who I went to college with...now I always hated this fucker, just cause he was so aloof and "different" like his personality was so not constructed to be the free thinking college guy...I first ran a foul with this kid my first semester in the dorms then i saw him at a meeting for this humor magazine called "Venue" at school. I went into the first meeting didn't say much cause it was such a little clique that it was hard to break say anything with out stepping on the toes of all of these people competing to be the funniest in the room. now this room probably had 25 people in it and from what I could tell probably 5 actually funny people in it, the rest were fucking weirdos who were into anime and other shit like that. They just felt that because they were outsiders they had some right to be funny...Like Jews...All jews think they are funny just because they are jews...You had woody Allen and Mel Brooks..move on.
so these were the types of people who would say poop and people would giggle and every other joke was a your mama or a standard hitler or jesus joke. Just trite stuff that would have caught me off guard in 8th grade.
so I just got a bad feeling from this meeting, and so did my Friend CT who went the year before and the same thing happen to him...and that is why we are friends! So all these people joked about was how funny eating babies is and what if the president of the university were to eat a baby...and I am not kidding, every issue of this magazine has something about the president of the university being a terminator or a baby eater or in thunderdome...so not to gloat:
the first meeting consisted of the already staff writers giving the status of their stories...some of them made me laugh and some didn't..and then they let all the new people write down two question that could be the photo poll at the end of the magazine. so you write them down and then they get read anonymously...again not to gloat, but my two got the biggest laughs, but did not get picked cause they did not function well with a picture and also they felt they would be offensive to some of the people they asked..which in later years of the magazine that did not seem to matter. My questions were something about the length your ejaculate ...or the accuracy...and I can't remember the second one...
So I went back the following weeks and got less and less interested cause I was not taking the intuitive to write the articles I would come up with ideas and then keep putting them off so I could spend time on them so they could be perfect...then I just wouldn't do them...this is a running theme in my life...I got used to it! So I had this idea about apology letters from history...standard things about like hitler and jesus (I was pandering) and then the last on would be like paris hilton's parents apologizing or something like that...I said the idea allowed in a meeting ..it didn't get the response I was expecting so I decided to think of a better idea (two months later that piece appears in the magazine, but somebody else wrote it, not a big idea I stopped showing up to meetings..so I didn't care)
so the point is this "Venue" crowd has always left a bad taste in my mouth, each month they would come out with some hack jokes about taking something way to seriously and analyzing it or talk about Balki from perfect strangers or thundercats or just shitty things like that...so I was glad to not be involved...but that clique of people were just so annoying they thought everything they did was comic gold...and some of it was pretty funny...but it was a huge suck-off-fest at those meetings. and as long as they wrote FUNNY raps about mundane things and shit like that they thought they were the Bees Knees!
So this kid who was there the first meeting and then continued to write for them and then would later be their editor and became sort of a nemesis to me. He didn't know that...he doesn't even know my name...shit i can't even view his facebook profile...but I just always knew because he worked for the venue that he thought he was the funniest fucking person on campus and shit like that...and of course these were my imposed thoughts that I thought he would be having ...and I remember saying to myself one day walking behind him. "I Can't wait for you to die, I know everybody dies, but i can't fucking wait for you too" (about 5 years later my friend Rick said a similar thing and thought it was hilarious, and I didn't want to be like Oh Ive sad that before...(that's just a not interesting side note))
I don't know why i had such a hatred for him, probably cause he walked around with such confidence and actually did stuff for the magazine and probably didn't critique himself so much and thought everything he did was good and worth publishing...but whatever it was I hated him for it.....I am a creepy and disturbed individual, but anyway tonight I saw him on that collegehumor video and then searched his name on the site and realized he is a junior staff writer for collegehumor.com and my fucking stomach almost filled up my scrotum and I thought i was going to shove my mouse down my throat so I would fucking choke and die.
At first I was so fucking jealous...and then I was just depressed cause I constantly realize how little motivation I have and how something like this doesn't even give me motivation to do well...I don't ever want to succeed I just want everybody around me to fail horribly, cause I know because my lack of confidence and sheer laziness I will never accomplish any significant goals!...so if everybody could just fail a little more each day I would be a lot happier....
I had no idea how depressing this was going to look... I'm not really depressed at all...it was just a shock and it was so perfect...that it was him as a writer on college humor...now I don't really care about collegehumor so much...but if it was the Onion...you'd be burying my ass in a piano box tomorrow night!!
don't fucking talk to me about punctuation or spelling...i write out of rage